Columnist Trena Eiden.

Courtesy photo

There are a few things fathers should remember. “When you’re raising your kids it’s the longest and the shortest time.” And Jack Demsey said, “A champion is someone who gets up when he can’t” (This is certainly dads much of the time). Also, “A father is a banker provided by nature.”  

Dads are pretty funny fellas and they learn early on to use humorous quips to make life better for the whole household. Gar has always had a cute sense of humor and I hear our boys saying the funny things to their offspring that Gar said to them. We’ve always joked that Gar didn’t necessarily feel he had to have a correct answer to a question, he just had to have an answer. A perfect example of his cleverness was late last summer when Gar and I were walking the track. He uses trekking poles to take the pressure off his knees so he’s a bit slower, while I try to power walk as much as possible. I caught up to him from the opposite direction just as a horsefly tried to bite my arm. Gar said he’d seen horseflies too so I asked if he’d gotten bit.

He said, “No, I could see them flying around in my shadow. It’s an old Indian trick I learned. And they couldn’t land on me because I was walking so fast, they got caught up in my jet stream.”  

I think Dad-shenanigans start early and none could say it better than a gentleman years ago in Readers Digest who wrote, “When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive. It’s a good thing my older brother told me about it.”  

Most dads I know are funny, which is fortunate because they need humor to keep things in perspective. And I’m guessing most dads develop comedy to entertain their kids, at least while the children are small. A dad’s goofiness will exasperate a teenager causing their eyes to roll back in their heads, and that’s entertainment for parents so what a win.  

Dads learn early to try out their kid’s toys before gifting them and I’ve witnessed this firsthand. It starts when they’re little boys. Our 4-year-old grandson, Romes, had been invited to his first birthday party, choosing a Spiderman with a motorcycle for the gift. Being used to picking items for his sisters then playing with them after the girls opened the presents, he inquired if he might try it out before going to the festivities. His mom said no. He obviously hadn’t quite understood because returning from the party with his dad, his mom asked if Sam had liked the Spiderman toy. Romes said, “Mommy, Sam just loved it, but then he carried the toy and the card and the Spiderman bag we picked out and he took them home. I didn’t even get to keep it.”  

Our second son, Tanner, had told us they were finished having babies after number three was born, so a year later we were surprised to learn baby number four was on the way. I said, “Am I dreaming or did you not tell us you were done having kids?”

Tanner sighed, “Ya, well, Wendy didn’t get the memo.”

Fast forward a few months to where Wendy had been up since 3 a.m. cleaning her school room and planning to make syrup that morning with strawberries they’d picked the day before. Just as she got to the kitchen, her water broke. They got organized, got the older kids to her mom’s and got to the hospital. That’s when Tanner called to tell us what was happening. As the nurse wheeled Wendy from triage to labor and delivery, she turned slightly, saying over her shoulder, “Come on, er, dad, I’m assuming?”

Before Wendy could answer, Tanner said, “We don’t know yet. We’ll check after he’s born.”

We laughed as Tanner joked, “Wendy’s so lucky to have me.”  

In an old book of humor, I saw a whimsical quote about what a baby would say about his or her existence. “I was born through no fault of my own. Without a stitch of clothes or a dime for a phone call, I was forced to go home from the hospital with my parents.”

Ah, but if there’s a dad to drive them home, all is right with the world. And Dad, just remember, “Fatherhood is full of challenges but eventually they move out.”  

Trena Eiden, trenaid@hotmail.com